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Sunday, December 03, 2006

When you're too young to know better, things are so simple. Mom and Dad rule the universe and you have nothing to worry about but what you're going to say when you're the first person to set foot on Mars.

Damn, to be young and ingnorant again. When you get older, and you start figuring things out (but not everything, never everything), you have to do your best to spend your days not being afraid. Not being afraid that you might miss the next big project deadline. Not being afraid that you'll be broke in a month. Not being afraid that you'll be alone forever, or if you aren't alone, then not being afraid that your significant other is wrong for you and vice versa. And then, the hard fears. You really have to do your best to ignore the thought that you'll never be what you dream of being (and you can't... right?), or that someday you will die (that's what they say...).

I can remember a time, and it was not too long ago, that nothing mattered more than football, girls, and what was on TV that night. But something happened. I'm grateful in ways, because I appreciate more. I love my family like I may not have back then, but I can't remember. I'm closer to some people in some ways, but where I'm at now it feels like a struggle to keep it that way. Most days I want to sit in front of the TV and turn off the part of the brain that woke up. If that's not gonna happen, then that's that.

Maybe it's just me though. All I'm really sure about is that this shit is harder than it looks. Next time I see a kid, or at least a kid that's cool, I'll be sure to spoil him.